Archive of PWUpdate.net (2013-2014)

Date: February 23, 2014

Venue: Target Center (Minneapolis, MN)

Commentators: Michael Cole, JBL, & Jerry Lawler

Provider: Sony Live Viewer (PS3)

Tonight the WWE presents Elimination Chamber live on PPV. Check back here for a recap of both the pre-show and the main PPV as it airs!

Match Results

1. Kickoff Match: Cody Rhodes & Goldust defeated Ryback & Curtis Axel [w/ Larry Hennig] when Rhodes pinned Axel with the CROSS RHODES (8:54).
   
2. Big E Langston (c) defeated Jack Swagger [w/ Zeb Colter] via pinfall with the BIG ENDING to retain the WWE Intercontinental Championship (11:49).
3. The New Age Outlaws (c) defeated The Usos when Billy Gunn pinned Jimmy Uso with a roll-up to retain the WWE Tag Team Championship (9:25, give or take).
4. Titus O’Neil defeated Darren Young via pinfall with CLASH OF THE TITUS (6:17).
5. The Wyatt Family defeated The Shield when Bray Wyatt pinned Roman Reigns with SISTER ABIGAIL (22:42).
6. Cameron defeated AJ Lee (c) [w/ Tamina Snuka] by DQ when Snuka interfered (3:58); Lee retains the WWE Divas Championship.
7. Batista defeated Alberto Del Rio via pinfall with the BATISTA BOMB (7:08).
8. Elimination Chamber: Randy Orton defeated John Cena, Cesaro, Daniel Bryan, Christian, & Sheamus to retain the WWE World Heavyweight Championship, last eliminating Bryan with an RKO (37:33).

*****

Kickoff Show

-WWE Signature-

—–

We cut to the arena where the fans are still filing in. Josh Matthews welcomes the Kickoff Show audience. Shots of fans lining the Target Center halls. Matthews hypes the EC main event and we cut to the EC kickoff panel, which includes Mark Henry, The Miz, and Rey Mysterio. Miz references his wedding and Mysterio congratulates him. Henry says he’s looking forward to the Chamber match the most, Miz says he’s also looking forward to the other championship matches. Mysterio is hyped to Shield Vs. Wyatts. Matthews then hypes the Kickoff match between Cody Rhodes/Goldust and RybAxel. Miz and Mysterio both hype the Rhodes Brothers. Henry complements the Tag Team division, saying there hasn’t been this much excitement surrounding it since the Attitude Era. Henry stumbles over his words a bit, but it’s all good because he’s scary.

—–

We cut to the “Social Media Lounge” where Renee Young reads some tweets and hypes the WWE Network launch tomorrow (YAAAAYYYY!!!!!!).

—–

We see a shot of the massive Elimination Chamber structure hanging above the ring, then hypes the main event for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. Matthews goes through the rules of the match.

—–

LAST MONDAY ON RAW: Cena, Orton, Bryan, Christian, Cesaro, Sheamus, The Shield, and The Wyatts brawl to end the show.

—–

The panel talk about the Elimination Chamber match some more. Henry says there will be a victor but there will be no winner when it comes to the pain of this match. They stumble through some comments. This is not a good Kickoff panel. Oof.

—–

We cut backstage where Zeb Colter gives The Real Americans a pep talk. He says both of them winning their titles tonight would represent a new America. Colter says tonight they are going to be the ones doing the taking and they lead a “WE! THE PEOPLE!” chant.

• Jon’s Thoughts: I want this America.
  

—–

JBL makes his way out to the announce table, doing his goofy dance. We then cut to a graphic hyping Batista/Alberto Del Rio. Ew.

—–

VIDEO: Alberto Del Rio beats up Dolph Ziggler on RAW two weeks ago until Batista interrupts and attacks, throwing him into the ring steps and powerbombing him through the announce table.

• Jon’s Thoughts: Nothing says “awesome build” like having one guy totally dominate the other.
  

—–

Jerry “The King” Lawler makes his way to the announce table and the crowd predictably loves him.

• Jon’s Thoughts: THAT SHIRT, HOLY SHIT.
  

—–

VIDEO: The Bella Twins teach us how the WWE Network works. It’s that “airplane” schtick you’ve already seen before.

—–

We cut to ringside where Lawler and JBL are joined by Michael Cole. Cole and company go full boner for the WWE Network. Lawler uses his iPad to watch Summerslam 2013.

—–

“Gold and Smoke” brings out Cody Rhodes & Goldust for the Kickoff match. Justin Roberts milks the “Goldust” announcement like he’s a Spanish announcer yelling “GOOOOOAL” during a football match. Their opponents, Ryback & Curtis Axel, make their way out second to the former’s entrance music. They are joined by Axel’s grandfather Larry “The Axe” Hennig! AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME.

• Jon’s Thoughts: WWE is in AWA territory so I should have expected The Ax to show up. Cool moment.
  

—–

Kickoff Match: Cody Rhodes & Goldust Vs. Ryback & Curtis Axel [w/ Larry “The Ax” Hennig]

Goldust and Axel start. Goldust grabs a side headlock and floors Axel with a shoulderblock. Goldust connects with back to back armdrag takedowns, then tags Rhodes in. Rhodes goes for a top rope move but Axel moves and prevents it. Ryback tags in and gets a 1-count off a roll-up. Rhodes catches Ryback with a drop down right hand. Rhodes escapes a powerslam but runs right into a back elbow. Ryback drives the shoulder into the midsection then tags Axel back in. Axel chops Rhodes in the corner but Rhodes gets one of his own, then kicks out his legs and clotheslines him out to the floor. Ryback charges and gets sent out as well. Rhodes scales to the top, hitting Ryback with a splash while Goldust hits Axel with a senton from the apron…and commercial?

-Commercial Break-

Ryback repeatedly stomps a fallen Goldust when we return from the break (?!?). Ryback keeps the stomps going then tags into Axel. Axel connects with a slingshot elbow as Goldust hangs from the apron. Axel rolls back in and applies a front facelock to prevent a tag. Axel whips Goldust into the ropes and connects with a dropkick. Axel covers for 2 then sends him into the corner. Ryback splashes Goldust in the corner then kicks at him arrogantly. Ryback picks Goldust up and connects with a delayed vertical suplex for the 1…2…kickout. Ryback knees Goldust in the spine then tags Axel back in. Axel connects with a right to the ribs. Goldust fights back with rights of his own but eats a knee. Goldust dodges a move and rolls Axel up for 2, then both men get up and clothesline one another down.

Ryback tags in and prevents a tag, slamming the back of Goldust’s head repeatedly against the mat. Ryback throws him into the corner but eats a right, a kick, and eventually a second-rope hurricanrana. That was beautiful. Goldust goes for a tag but Ryback gets in the way. Goldust backdrops Ryback out to the floor. Axel gets the tag but so does Rhodes. Rhodes hits back to back clotheslines followed by a jumping knee. Rhodes follows up with the top rope standing moonsault for the 1…2…kickout. Rhodes catches Axel with a kick then connects with Alabama Slam. Ryback pulls Rhodes out of the ring but gets a Disaster Kick for his troubles. Rhodes goes for a slingshot dropkick but Axel counters with a powerbomb (NICE) for the 1…2…kickout!

Axel sets up for the Perfect Plex but Rhodes escapes. Ryback breaks up a Cross Rhodes attempt then fights with Goldust on the outside. Axel once again tries the Perfect Plex, but Rhodes counters again and this time successfully hits the CROSS RHODES for the 1…2…3!

Winners [via Pinfall]: Cody Rhodes & Goldust (8:54)

• Jon’s Thoughts: A solid, if unspectacular contest. I enjoyed it anyway though, and it was cool seeing Larry Hennig again. Hearing Lawler discuss his AWA history was nice too.
  

—–

Byron Saxton is joined in the locker room by The Usos. Jimmy Uso says they have been dreaming about winning the Tag Team Titles since day 1, referencing their family lineage holding these belts. Jey Uso says being the new champions sounds good, then says they respect The New Age Outlaws. Jey, however, says they have two words for them: It’s…OVER.

—–

Back to the Social Media lounge where Renee Young reads more tweets.

—–

HYPE GRAPHIC: The Shield Vs. The Wyatt Family.

—–

The Kickoff panel give their EC predictions: Mysterio picks Cesaro, Henry picks Sheamus, and Miz also picks Cesaro…but also hints that Daniel Bryan could do it. No one cares about Orton or Cena. This is now my favorite kickoff panel. Matthews signs off and we’re off to the races!

PPV

-WWE Signature/Elimination Chamber Intro Video-

—–

We go back live to the Target Center, as pyro emanates from the entrance stage. The crowd roars as Michael Cole welcomes the home audience. Jack Swagger makes his way out alongside Zeb Colter for the opening match. Colter calls for the music to be cut and says the “E” in Big E’s name stands for “enough!”. Colter asks the crowd if they know what Big E has done for America since becoming IC Champion. He answers for them (NOTHING), then says the country has gotten worse in the last three months Big E has been champion. Colter then blames the Polar Vortex on illegals crossing the border, then leads the “WE! THE PEOPLE!” chant. His opponent, IC Champ Big E Langston, makes his way out next as we check in with the Spanish Announce Team that now includes Ricardo Rodriguez. THERE HE IS!

• Jon’s Thoughts: A few nights ago I watched a ton of goofy conspiracy theory videos so Colter’s comments about the polar vortex made me laugh harder than usual.
  

—–

Match #1: Big E Langston (c) Vs. Jack Swagger [w/ Zeb Colter] for the WWE Intercontinental Championship

Langston backs Swagger into the corner, then into another as they jockey for position. The ref separates the two. Langston backs Swagger back into the corner but Swagger gets a knee to the midsection. Swagger takes Langston down with a running shoulderblock. Langston ducks a clothesline and hits Swagger with a running shoulderblock of his own. Swagger rolls out of the ring for a breather/consultation with Colter. Swagger steps back in the ring and catches Langston with a series of rights. Langston reverses an Irish whip attempt in a release overhead belly to belly suplex. Langston follows up with another one, then hits a running midsection shoulderblock in the corner. Langston sends Swagger into the corner but before he can splash, Swagger rolls back out to the floor. This time Langston follows and sends him face-first into the ring steps. Langston turns to Colter and challenges him to fight. Swagger tries to attack from behind but Langston catches him and spears him into the ring steps.

Langston rolls Swagger into the ring and covers for 2. Swagger rolls back to the floor. Langston grabs Swagger but Swagger grabs the arm and throws him to the floor. Swagger follows up with a running clothesline and JBL marks out about it because he loves clotheslines. Swagger rolls Langston into the ring and covers, but only gets a 1-count. Swagger sends Langston into the corner and connects with a running knee strike. Swagger drives some more knees into the breadbasket until the ref separates them. Swagger hits a short-arm clothesline and covers for 2. Swagger applies a double-arm grapevine to wear Langston down. Langston rams Swagger into the corner to break the hold but runs right into a big boot. A “WE! THE PEOPLE!” follows.

Swagger legdrops the shoulder of Langston(?) and covers for 2. Swagger applies a front chancery. Langston gets to his feet and tosses Swagger off. Langston and Swagger fall victim to a double clothesline. Langston works Swagger over in the corner, but gets sent shoulder-first into the steel post to kill the momentum. Swagger rolls Langston up for the 1…2…kickout. Swagger’s lip is busted open. A “WE THE PEOPLE” chant breaks out. Swagger sends Langston into the corner but runs into a back elbow and a series of kicks. Langston dodges another splash attempt and hits back to back clotheslines followed by a belly-to-belly suplex. Langston gets a running head start but runs right into a spinebuster. Swagger covers for the 1…2…kickout.

Swagger goes for the Swagger Bomb but Langston catches him. Swagger bails to the apron and Langston spears Swagger and himself through the ropes and onto the floor. Both men are down. NICE. Langston rolls Swagger in and covers for the 1…2…kickout. Langston revs up and hits the Warrior Splash for the 1…2…kickout. Langston climbs to the top (?!?) but Swagger catches him with a right hand. Swagger goes for a superplex but Langston fights him off. Swagger comes running back up and hits a second-rope overhead throw for the 1…2…KICKOUT. Snap. Swagger clips Langston’s knee and applies the PATRIOT LOCK. Langston tries to roll through but Swagger keeps it locked in and applied. The crowd is getting pumped. Langston kicks Swagger off. They trade right hands until Swagger kicks the leg. He goes for a gutwrench suplex but Langston powers out and runs right into a boot to the midsection. Swagger goes for the follow-up but gets bowled over by a Langston bodyblock. He pulls the straps down but Swagger reapplies the PATRIOT LOCK! Langston gets to his foot and breaks it up with an enziguri! Langston follows up with the BIG ENDING for the 1…2…3!

Winner and STILL Intercontinental Champion [via Pinfall]: Big E Langston (11:49)

• Jon’s Thoughts: Excellent opener that made the IC Championship look more important than it has in forever. Both men beat the snot out of each other and Langston looked like a superstar. His suicide spear was the best.
  

Post-Match: Big E Langston’s celebration is broken up by Wade Barrett and his podium of doom. Barrett’s bad news mocks the USA for having less medals than Russia did at the Winter Olympics.

• Jon’s Thoughts: That was unnecessary and killed the post-match buzz. Also I’ll take democracy over pointless medals any damn day of the week.
  

—–

Cole and company hype the impending return of Hulk Hogan.

—–

LAST MONDAY ON RAW: Daniel Bryan gets beaten up by Kane, putting his ability to be 100% at the Chamber in jeopardy.

LAST FRIDAY ON SMACKDOWN: Kane injures Daniel Bryan’s shoulder some more.

—–

Interview Area

Byron Saxton is standing by with Daniel Bryan, whose shoulder is still taped up. Bryan says his mindset is the same whether he’s 100% or 10%, he will go full throttle. Bryan says he can’t say whether he’ll win the Chamber, then asks a whole bunch of questions that result in “YES!” responses. He then leads a “YES!” chant.

—–

WWE Tag Team Champs The New Age Outlaws make their way out for the next match. Road Dogg and Billy Gunn do their usual pre-match schtick. So they aren’t heels? These guys confuse me. Their opponents, The Usos, are out second, and they do the whole Siva Tau entrance which is badly mic’ed.

—–

Match #2: The New Age Outlaws (Road Dogg & Billy Gunn) (c) Vs. The Usos (Jimmy & Jey Uso) for the WWE Tag Team Championship

Jimmy and Gunn start. Gunn slaps on a wristlock and transitions into a side headlock. Jimmy whips Gunn into the ropes but eats a shoulderblock. Jimmy goes for a backdrop but Gunn sends him into the ropes and connects with a back elbow. Gunn raises his arms in celebration and hugs Road Dogg. Gunn slaps on another wristlock but Jimmy reverses into one of his own…then eats a right hand. Gunn clubs Jimmy down. Jimmy takes Gunn down with a drop toehold followed by back to back armdrag takedowns and a hip toss. Jimmy goes for a superkick but Gunn slides out of the ring. Dogg tries to attack but eats a hip toss and also bails out. The Usos go for a stereo splash but The New Age Outlaws move so The Usos bounce against the ropes instead.

Jey and Dogg both tag in. Dogg does some gyrating and dancing before catching Jey with a kick to the midsection. Dogg goes for a headbutt but Jey’s Samoan so he no-sells it and does some dancing of his own. Dogg reverses a corner Irish whip but runs into a big boot. Jey charges at Dogg, who sends him HARD into the corner with a hip toss. Jesus. Dogg with a leg lariat against in the middle rope followed by a Fargo Strut. Dogg tosses Jey to the outside and Gunn gets the tag. Gunn connects with a clothesline on the floor, turning Jey inside out. Gunn rolls Jey in but he kicks out at 1. Gunn drops Jey with a right hand. Jey tries to stand but he can’t due to hurting his leg during that corner hip toss.

A “CM PUNK!” chant breaks out and the IWC groans. Dogg tags in and kicks Jey in the gut. Jey catches Dogg with back to back rights but eats a knee to the gut. Dogg blocks a hip toss and kicks Jey down to the mat. Dogg kicks Jey hard in the spine and covers for the 1…2…kickout. Dogg slaps on a rear-chinlock as Lawler threatens to team with JBL and win the Tag Team Titles. Jey stomps on Dogg’s foot to break the hold then catches him “in the face” (lots of air) with an enziguri.

Jimmy and Gunn both tag in. Jimmy clears Dogg from the apron then catches Gunn with a back elbow. Jimmy hits a series of moves followed by a Bubba Bomb. Jimmy sends a charging Dogg out to the floor AND THERE GOES MY STREAM FUCK YOU SONY. After some messing with the system we’re back and Jimmy hits Dogg with a suicide dive. Gunn catches Jimmy with a clothesline. Gunn rolls Jimmy back in and goes for the Fameasser, but Jimmy escapes and catches Gunn with a superkick for the 1…2…kickout. Jimmy goes to the top but Dogg distracts him. Jimmy catches Dogg with a superkick but Gunn rolls him up out of nowhere for the 1…2…3!

Winners and STILL Tag Team Champions [via Pinfall]: The New Age Outlaws (9:25, give or take)

• Jon’s Thoughts: Sony Live Viewer is already having hiccups so bear with me as I do this recap. It may have a delay or some missing info on it. Besides that annoyance this was a pretty good tag team match, much better than I was expecting given it involved The New Age Outlaws. Hate the finish and the fact NAO are still champs though.

Post-Match: Wade Barrett is at a normal podium. His bad news this time: Daniel Bryan will not win the WWE World Heavyweight Championship tonight, causing the fans to turn on him and the death of the Yes! Movement.

—–

VIDEO: An ad for Wrestlemania XXX.

—–

Cole and company do more WWE Network hype. I’M ALREADY PLENTY HYPED BUT I DON’T CARE GIMME GIMME GIMME.

—–

Darren Young makes his way out, wearing a No H8 hoodie and getting very little reaction from the crowd. We see clips of the PTP breakup from last month. Young’s opponent, Titus O’Neil, makes his way out second. His new theme is intense.

—–

Match #3: Darren Young Vs. Titus O’Neil

Young and O’Neil lock up and run all around the ring. O’Neil backs Young into the corner and hides in the ropes when Young goes for a right. O’Neil catches Young with a right hand and slaps on a side headlock. O’Neil clubs Young then throws him to the mat. The crowd chants stupid shit. Young slaps on a side headlock and O’Neil sends him into the ropes, flooring him with a shoulderblock. Young reverses an Irish whip and catches O’Neil with a rolling right hand. Young clotheslines himself and O’Neil over the top and onto the floor. Young clubs O’Neil in the back then rolls him back in. Young heads to the top and hits O’Neil with a flying clothesline for a 1-count. Young connects with a European uppercut but gets hammer thrown into the corner so hard he flips over the turnbuckles and onto the floor.

O’Neil picks Young up and flings him back-first into the steel post before throwing him back in the ring. O’Neil covers for a 1-count. O’Neil applies a standing bearhug. Young breaks out and gets an elbow up during a splash attempt. Young comes off the second rope but O’Neil catches him and connects with a backbreaker before tossing him like a ragdoll to the mat. O’Neil applies an Abdominal Stretch, slapping Young hard on the chest and ribs. Young elbows the knee to break the hold. O’Neil catches Young with a kick to the gut and splashes him in the corner. O’Neil misses another splash attempt and eats a big boot when he charges again. Minneapolis is asleep, the dicks. Young mounts his comeback with rights and uppercuts, running clothesline, and back bodydrop.

Young takes O’Neil to the mat and peppers him with right hands. O’Neil bails to the apron and Young follows. Young hits him with an apron neckbreaker, then rolls him in and covers for the 1…2…kickout. Young picks O’Neil up but O’Neil escapes and connects with a kidney shot. O’Neil then whips Young into the ropes and hits CLASH OF THE TITUS for the 1…2…3!

Winner [via Pinfall]: Titus O’Neil (6:17)

• Jon’s Thoughts: The crowd was dead for this match but it wasn’t that bad. O’Neil has improved considerably.
  

Post-Match: Wade Barrett is out AGAIN to kill momentum. Barrett’s podium is busted so he’s going to be at eye level for the rest of the night. Barrett’s bad news this time is that Hulk Hogan’s star is dimmed in comparison to his own abilities.

—–

We check in with the All-Star Panel. They recap the Kickoff match between Rhodes/Goldust and RybAxel. Mark Henry is proud of Titus O’Neil for getting a win tonight but he’s sad about the PTP breakup. The Miz has nice things to say about the IC Championship match. Rey Mysterio talks about the Tag Team Title match. Whoa three matches, three panelists. Who would’ve thought? They also announce the next match: THE SHIELD VS. THE WYATT FAMILY.

—–

STORYLINE RECAP: The Shield Vs. The Wyatt Family. The video makes sure to highlight the friction within The Shield.

—–

The Shield make their way out through the crowd for the next match. The Wyatt Family are out second, and they get a better response from the Minneapolis crowd. Bray Wyatt blows out the lantern and the trio get ready on the outside. A “THIS IS AWESOME!” chant is already happening. The Wyatt Family and Shield stare one another down in the center of the ring. Wyatt calls Dean Ambrose the weak one pissing him off. Dueling “Wyatt/Shield” chants. Ambrose attacks, and The Shield clear the ring of The Wyatt Family. The crowd goes half-wild/half-angry. 

• Jon’s Thoughts: This is the best, guys.
  

—–

Match #4: The Shield (*WWE U.S. Champion* Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, & Roman Reigns) Vs. The Wyatt Family (Bray Wyatt, Luke Harper, & Erick Rowan)

Finally things settle down and Rowan enters the ring to start for his team. Rollins starts for The Shield. Rollins rolls under a clothesline attempt, then does it again. Rowan goozles Rollins but Rollins counters with a dropkick sending him into Shield’s corner. Reigns tags in and stomps Rowan repeatedly until Rollins tags back in. Rowan shoves Rollins away and catches him with a shoulderblock that turns him inside out. Harper tags in and catches Rollins with a kick, then floors him with a right hand. Harper headbutts Rollins and rips at his face. Wyatt tags in and clubs Rollins. He sends him into the corner and catches Rollins with a back elbow. Rollins slides under Wyatt’s legs and tags into Reigns. Goosebumps.

Reigns and Wyatt stare one another down. Reigns catches Wyatt with a right, backs him into the corner, and peppers him with jabs until the ref separates them. Wyatt catches Reigns with a right hand but runs right into a back elbow, and Reigns covers for 1. Wyatt catches Reigns with a right hand and backs up so Harper can tag in. Harper goes for a suplex but Reigns blocks it repeatedly and hits one of his own. Reigns catches Harper with a right hand and in comes Ambrose. Ambrose peppers Harper with jabs. Rollins tags in and hits an Air Sabu into Harper. Reigns, who tagged in, catches Harper with a massive right and covers for 2.

Ambrose tags back in and hits the running dropkick against the ropes. Ambrose covers for 1 and Rollins tags in. Rollins gets his stuff in and Ambrose tags back in. Ambrose paintbrushes Harper with his forearm. Ambrose catches Harper with a second-rope back elbow. Rowan distracts Ambrose, allowing Harper to catch him with a dropkick out of nowhere. Wyatt tags in and peppers Ambrose with rights in the full mount. Wyatt backs Ambrose into the corner, connecting with a headbutt followed by a freight train corner splash. Wyatt jaws at Reigns and Rollins, then tags Rowan in. Rowan slams Ambrose hard onto the mat then follows up with a kneedrop to the sternum. Rowan curls his fists and uses them to squash Ambrose’s head between. Ambrose bites Rowan’s hand to break it but runs into a sidewalk slam for the 1…2…kickout.

Harper tags in and stands on Ambrose’s head. Harper chops Ambrose, Ambrose responds with one of his own. Harper hits him back and connects with a suplex for the 1…2…kickout. Harper sends Ambrose into the ropes, but Ambrose catches him with a neckbreaker out of nowhere. Rollins gets the tag, hitting Harper with a dropkick followed by a sidekick. Rollins works Harper over in the corner, hitting a running forearm. Rollins heads to the top and kicks Rowan off the apron. Harper clubs Rollins from behind then climbs to the middle turnbuckle. Harper goes for a super-German suplex but Rollins lands on his feet and sends Harper out to the floor. Rollins hits him with a suicide dive, rolls him in, and connects with a top rope flying knee. HOLY SHIT THAT WAS A GREAT SEQUENCE. Rollins goes for the running curb stomp but Harper catches him with a tilt-a-whirl side slam for the 1…2…kickout!

Wyatt tags in and works Rollins over on the floor. Wyatt connects with a running back splash then stares Reigns down. Wyatt rolls Rollins halfway into the ring and slams his face on the apron. Wyatt pulls Rollins into the center of the ring for the 1…2…kickout. Rowan tags in and catches Rollins with a right hand to the midsection. Rowan floors Rollins with a headbutt and a hardcore scoop slam. Rowan hits a running kidney punch and covers for the 1…2…kickout. A “WE WANT TABLES!” chant breaks out. Harper tags in and drops Rollins with a right hand. Harper picks Rollins up by the hair and slaps him in the face. Harper works Rollins over in the corner then whips him to the opposite side, hitting a running midsection knww. Harper slingshots Rollins throat-first into the middle rope, creating one hell of a whiplash effect.

Wyatt screams for the tag and gets it, stomping Rollins on the sternum repeatedly. Wyatt pulls Rollins back in, drops a knee, then slaps on a rear-chinlock. Wyatt whips Rollins into the corner but runs into a boot during a splash attempt. Rollins climbs to the second-rope but jumps right into a goozle. Wyatt chokeslams Rollins for the 1…2…Ambrose breaks it up. Harper takes Ambrose out with a massive big boot. Holy shit. Reigns just angrily stares. Harper tags in and peppers Rollins with stomps. Harper stares down Reigns then goes back to work. Harper goes for a catapult of some time but Rollins lands on his feet and catches Harper with an enziguri.

Reigns gets the tag and the crowd goes nuts. Reigns hits the now-legal Rowan with a clothesline and a Samoan drop after clearing Wyatt off the apron. Harper runs in and tosses Reigns out. Reigns runs over and hits Rowan with the apron dropkick then clears Harper out of the ring. Reigns connects with a back suplex for the 1…2…Wyatt breaks it up. Ambrose attacks Wyatt with jabs. Ambrose hits Harper with a forearm then dropkicks Wyatt off the apron. Harper gets a running head start and hits Ambrose with a suicide dive, then Rollins takes out Harper with a flying splash. Rowan charges at Reigns in the corner but misses and Reigns rolls him up for the 1…2…kickout. Reigns and Rowan both go for clotheslines and take one another out.

Rollins clears off the Spanish announce table but is attacked from behind by Wyatt. They got for a powerbomb but Ambrose hits Harper with a forearm. Ambrose and Wyatt then brawl into the crowd. Meanwhile in the ring Reigns and Rowan trade right bombs. Reigns wins the shootout but eats a knee and is sent shoulder-first into the steel post. Rowan slaps Reigns and runs right into a leaping clothesline for the 1…2…kickout! SNAP. On the outside Rollins hits Harper with a announce TV but Wyatt attacks him from behind. Wyatt and Harper clear the regular announce table and lay Rollins on top. Back in the ring Rowan connects with a fallaway slam so hard Reigns slides out of the ring due to the force. Rowan joins Harper and Wyatt at the announce table. Harper and Rowan send Rollins through the Spanish Announce table with a chokeslam throw. Harper and Rowan pose on top of the regular announce table, Wyatt standing in front. HOLY SHIT indeed.

The Wyatt Family turn their attention to Reigns, the only Shield member still around now. Reigns get to one knee and attacks Wyatt, but gets taken down by Rowan. Rowan works Reigns over as Harper tags himself in. Harper whips Rowan into Reigns, then commences with a big boot. Harper kneels in front of Wyatt, who tags in. Wyatt does the creepy backward stare from the corner then sets up for SISTER ABIGAIL. Reigns powers out as Wyatt’s eyes *BUG OUT*. Wyatt headbutts Reigns but to no avail and Reigns hits him with a Samoan drop. Reigns sends Harper out to the floor and takes Rowan out with a Superman Punch. Reigns then catches Wyatt with a Superman Punch. Reigns sets up in the corner and spears Harper when he gets in the way. Wyatt attacks Reigns with a running forearm, then hits him with SISTER ABIGAIL for the 1…2…3!

Winners [via Pinfall]: The Wyatt Family (22:42)

• Jon’s Thoughts: This was the match with the highest expectations and it lived up to them and then some. A flat out amazing match that didn’t let up the entire time and featured new moves (Harper’s suicide dive being the craziest) and awesome spots (Rollins going through the table). Reigns, as the last Shield member standing, looked like a superstar and had the crowd eating out of his hand. When he broke out of Sister Abigail I almost lost it and Wyatt’s facial expression made it even greater. WWE has made Roman Reigns look like the next big thing. The Shield’s teased break-up once again didn’t happen, but I’m cool with it. Either way watch this fucking match. I don’t know how anything else will measure up.
  

—–

After a couple of commercials, we go backstage where Renee Young catches up with Christian. Christian yells at her for bringing up how he’s lost every match heading into the Elimination Chamber. Christian says it won’t matter because people will only remember when he wins tonight. Christian says he’s desperate and dangerous and dares the EC participants to underestimate him.

—–

WWE Divas Champion AJ Lee makes her way out for the next match, bodyguard Tamina Snuka in tow. Lilian Garcia tries to announce her entrance but her mic cuts out. Lee grabs a different mic and a “CM PUNK!” chant already breaks out. Lee hypes up the fact she’s the longest-reigning Divas Champion of all-time. Lee says even though she doesn’t have competition she has to defend her title. She then mocks Naomi for her injury and asks for whomever her opponent is gonna be. “Somebody Call My Momma” brings out Cameron, who I guess has the shot now. Sony Live Viewer is starting to sputter again but I’m cool if that happens during this one. That made me sound sexist, sorry. Cameron throws her pom poms at Lee, and Lee laughs it off.

—–

Match #5: AJ Lee (c) [w/ Tamina Snuka] Vs. Cameron for the WWE Divas Championship

Cameron takes Lee down with a snapmare and covers for 1. Lee charges and Cameron rolls her up for another 1-count. Cameron mocks Lee by skipping. Cameron drops Lee and hits the split-legged legdrop for 2. Cameron hits the ropes and runs into a spin kick from Lee. Lee covers for 2 then hits a reverse neckbreaker for a 1-count. That only got a 1? Lee locks in a Dragon Sleeper of sorts to wear Cameron down. Cameron escapes but Lee grabs the hair and sends her down to the mat. Lee sends Cameron into the corner, skips, and misses the splash. Cameron rolls her up for 1, then mounts a comeback with a couple of ugly clotheslines. Cameron sort-of hits Lee with a dropkick and covers for the 1…2…kickout.

Cameron ducks a clothesline and catches Lee with a Thesz-ish press. Lee bails to the ropes and throws Cameron through the ropes and onto the floor. A “CM PUNK!” naturally breaks out. Lee grabs the pom poms and makes fun of Cameron’s entrance (still sexy, though). Lee throws the pom poms in the ring and Cameron pulls her off the apron. Snuka goes for a superkick but hits Lee super hard instead. Cameron rolls Lee into the ring and covers for the 1…2…Snuka puts her foot on the rope sort-of. Cameron tries to hit Snuka, but Snuka floors her with a clothesline and the ref calls for the bell.

Winner [via DQ]: Cameron (3:58); AJ Lee retains the WWE Divas Championship

• Jon’s Thoughts: Any match that had to follow Shield/Wyatts was going to suffer, and suffer this one did. It also didn’t help that the two didn’t have much chemistry. Snuka accidentally hitting Lee with a superkick but still saving the belt was interesting though. I guess that leads to a WM XXX match. Maybe.
  

Post-Match: Wade Barrett calls the MN people “dummies” for breaking his podium, but says the good news is that he can now deliver even more bad news. Barrett brings up the WWE Network but has some BAD NEWS: they’re gonna be so overwhelmed they won’t be able to turn it off so kids will be expelled and people will lose their jobs (the crowd cheers). Barrett says people are gonna be so mesmerized by the WWE Network they won’t clean their houses and the government will condemn their homes, left homeless to fend on the streets.

• Jon’s Thoughts: …The fuck?
  

—–

Santino Marella is playing with WWE action figures backstage. Emma comes up from behind and scares him. The Great Khali, El Torito, and Los Matadores all show up. They thank him for the invitation, and he runs away. The rest of them play with the action figures kill me.

• Jon’s Thoughts: Ugh.
  

—–

Batista makes his way out for the next match. Cole hypes Batista headlining WM XXX in April (ugh) and they recap the feud leading to this match. His opponent, Alberto Del Rio, makes his way out second…wearing a neck brace and using a crutch. He’s not set to wrestle. Del Rio is also using his old heel music FINALLY. Del Rio grabs a mic and says that because of Batista’s attack two weeks ago he won’t able to compete tonight (he wrestled after that, but that’s probably part of the thing). Del Rio then catches Batista with a cheap shot using the crutch. He takes off his clothes, revealing his wrestling attire. AWESOME. Del Rio attacks the knee with the crutch as Lawler says he did this to Bret Hart once. Del Rio rips off the neck brace and smiles. Del Rio with another crutch shot and backs up, yelling for the bell to be rung. The official checks on Batista and he says he’s ready.

—–

Match #6: Batista Vs. Alberto Del Rio

Batista tries to attack, drawing boos, but Del Rio rebounds and throws him into the steel post. A “BOO-TISTA” chant breaks out. Del Rio kicks Batista in the side of the head. Batista grabs the arm and applies a Cross Armbreaker as he’s draped on the second rope. Del Rio jumps back in and stomps Batista repeatedly. A “DANIEL BRYAN!” chant is up next. Del Rio applies an armbar. Batista breaks out with a series of forearms as the crowd boos. Del Rio holds on and delivers a double knee armbreaker to the roar of the MN crowd. Del Rio waits for Batista to get to his feet then charges, but goes shoulder-first into the ring post instead.

Del Rio fights back and hits a second-rope double stomp to the sternum. The audio cuts out but nothing was missed. Del Rio hits the running enziguri in the corner and covers for the 1…2…Batista grabs the bottom rope. Del Rio hits a running baseball slide, sending Batista to the floor. Del Rio throws Batista back in as a “WE WANT LESNAR!” chant dies down. Del Rio runs in and tags Del Rio with a SPEAR for the 1…2…kickout. Batista connects with a short-arm clothesline and goes for a slam but Del Rio escapes and connects with a Backstabber for the 1…2…kickout.

Del Rio goes for a top rope senton but Batista moves out of the way and follows up with a spinebuster. He revs up but the crowd hates him for it. Batista goes for the Batista Bomb but Del Rio escapes and clips the knee, then catches him with a superkick to the side of the head for the 1…2…kickout. Del Rio goes for the Cross Armbreaker but Batista sends him into the exposed turnbuckle, following up with the BATISTA BOMB for the 1…2…3!

Winner [via Pinfall]: Batista (7:08)

• Jon’s Thoughts: The crowd turned on this quickly and rightly so; after Del Rio’s pre-match attack this match lost all of its intensity and was a droll paint by numbers match. This does nothing to get anyone excited about Batista headlining the biggest show of the year. Still time to back out, WWE.
  

Post-Match: Batista celebrates, favoring his left arm, to no crowd reaction whatsoever. He might actually be hurt…or he’s that much better of an actor now.

—–

The All-Star Panel talk up the main event until we go to the ring and watch the Elimination Chamber as it slowly lowers to the ring. It’s got its own “80s sci-fi dystopia” theme.

—–

VIDEO: History of the Elimination Chamber.

• Jon’s Thoughts: Anyone else find it weird that Christian and Daniel Bryan are the only ones who’ve been interviewed about this match tonight? Seems like Orton should’ve gotten some pre-match comments in. Maybe it’ll happen during the introductions. They’ve got the time.
  

—–

John Cena is the first man out for the main event. Christian is second, WWE World Heavyweight Champion Randy Orton third, and Daniel Bryan fourth. They all are placed into pods. The final two, Cesaro and Sheamus, will start the match.

• Jon’s Thoughts: Couldn’t pick two better people to start. HOSS FIGHT.
  

—–

Main Event: Randy Orton (c) Vs. John Cena Vs. Daniel Bryan Vs. Sheamus Vs. Christian Vs. Cesaro [w/ Zeb Colter] in an ELIMINATION CHAMBER MATCH for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship

Cesaro catches Sheamus with a running dropkick and stomps him out to the steel surroundings. Cesaro tries to throw Sheamus into the cage but he blocks it and clotheslines him back in the ring. Sheamus sends Cesaro intot he corner, but Cesaro fights out and connects with a European uppercut. Sheamus whips Cesaro into the ropes but gets backdropped onto the steel. Cesaro catches Sheamus with a forearm but eats a slingshot shoulderblock and Sheamus covers for barely a 1. Sheamus kicks Cesaro in the spine and follows up with a reverse neckbreaker for another 1-count. Sheamus whips Cesaro into the corner, hits the midsection shoulderblock, connects with a kneelift, then sends Cesaro out to the steel with a clothesline. Sheamus goes for the forearms of doom but Cesaro headbutts him off. Cesaro goes for a right but Sheamus blocks it and this time he gets the 10 forearms of doom. Sheamus follows up with a clothesline and Cesaro crashes down to the steel.

Sheamus goes for a suplex but Cesaro blocks it and goes for one of his own. Sheamus blocks that and goes for a suplex but Cesaro blocks it. He goes for one from Sheamus lands on his feet. Cesaro dodges a splash and Sheamus runs into the post. Cesaro climbs to the second turnbuckle and connects with a double stomp. Sheamus rolls in and Cesaro follows, covering for a 1-count. Cena waves at Cesaro and Cesaro does the “You Can’t See Me” taunt as he works Sheamus over in the corner. Sheamus responds with some kicks but he’s silenced with a running European uppercut. Sheamus kicks Cesaro’s leg out then skins the cat to the top turnbuckle. Cesaro catches him with another European uppercut and follows up with a headbutt. Cesaro climbs to the middle turnbuckle but gets sent off by Sheamus. Sheamus hits him with a flying shoulderblock.

Daniel Bryan is the third entrant. He climbs to the top and immediately hits Sheamus and Cesaro with a missile dropkick. Bryan hits Cesaro with a knee to the midsection then peppers Sheamus with Yes! Kicks in the corner. Bryan back flips out of the corner and hits Sheamus with the clothesline. Bryan gives Sheamus and Cesaro Yes! Kicks in stereo as they kneel. Bryan gets the head kick on Cesaro, and Cesaro bails under the rope. Sheamus attacks Bryan, and Bryan takes him down with a drop toehold. Bryan slaps on an Indian deathlock and connects with a bridging suplex on Cesaro, hold still applied for the 1…2…kickout. Bryan turns the submission into a pinfall attempt on Sheamus for the 1…2…kickout. Nice.

Bryan catches Cesaro with a back elbow but his second-rope crossbody is countered into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for the 1…2…kickout. Sheamus goes after Cesaro with a series of rights and uppercuts. Sheamus whips Cesaro into the corner and connects with a clothesline. The MN crowd just fell asleep again. Cesaro peppers Sheamus with knees to the sternum then clotheslines him out to the steel. Bryan sends Cesaro into the cage, but Cesaro reverses an Irish whip and sends Bryan through the plexiglass pod shoulder-first. Cesaro lights Sheamus up with European uppercuts, but Sheamus picks him up and hits the rolling senton on the steel. Sheamus drags Cesaro back in the ring and covers for the 1…2…kickout.

Christian is entrant #3 and he pushes Sheamus off the top rope and to the steel. Christian works Bryan’s injured shoulder over, the same one he hurt initially on Monday. Christian rings the arm then throws him out to the steel. Christian drops the arm over the top rope then tosses him shoulder-first repeatedly into the cage. Christian rips the tape off of the shoulder and repeatedly strikes the hurt wing with forearms. Christian slams the EC door on Bryan’s arm then throws him back in the ring. Christian climbs to the second rope and connects with a tornado DDT for the 1…2…kickout. Bryan fights back with Yes! Kicks and an enziguri to the skull. Bryan goes for the corner dropkick but Christian dodges and he hits nothing but turnbuckles.

Sheamus grabs Christian and throws him repeatedly back-first into the the cage. Sheamus goes to launch Christian into the pod but he reverses it into an inverted DDT. Cesaro grabs Christian’s legs but gets kicked off into the cage. Christian goes for the Killswitch but Cesaro whips him off. He launches Christian who jumps onto the cage. He goes for a move but Cesaro counters and powerbombs him into a pod. Cesaro throws Christian in and covers for the 1…2…kickout. Cesaro grabs the plexiglass from the pod and uses it against Sheamus. Sheamus fights back but Cesaro fights back and hits a deadlift gutwrench onto the steel. Both men are down.

John Cena is entrant #5. He catches Christian mid-air and throws him on Cesaro. Cena climbs to the top and Bryan dropkicks him. Bryan climbs to the top rope and hits a hurricanrana. Bryan with the Yes! Kicks to the sternum. He’s stopped from the final kick by Christian, who hits the KILLSWITCH for the 1…2…kickout! Cesaro grabs Christian’s legs and goes for the Swing but Cena catches him with a crossbody and Christian gets launched into the corner. Cena plants Christian with a back suplex and goes for the 5 Knuckle but Sheamus grabs him and hits WHITE NOISE for the 1…2…kickout. Cena rolls to the steel.

Sheamus catches Cesaro with a kick and a series of uppercuts. They trade stiff shots and Cesaro sends Sheamus into the corner. Christian hits Sheamus with a kick and Cesaro goes for the Neutralizer. Sheamus back bodydrops him and Christian throws Sheamus out of the ring. Christian hits Cesaro with a second-rope tornado DDT for the 1…2…kickout. Christian preps for the Killswitch then goes to attack Cena. Cena ducks the right and back suplexes him into the cage. Cena hits Cesaro with a shoulderblock but then gets hit with the SWISS DEATH catapult uppercut for the 1…2…kickout. Damn. Cena clubs Bryan but eats a European uppercut from Cesaro. The three beat each other up. Cena picks Cesaro up and Bryan drops him with a series of kicks. Bryan works Cesaro over with Yes! Kicks as Sheamus holds him. Sheamus and Bryan then brawl with one another, the former sending the latter into the cage post. Cesaro grabs Sheamus and hits the deadlift superplex from the apron, covering for the 1…2…kickout. BOO. URNS.

Randy Orton is the final entrant. Time for some eliminations! Orton tags Cesaro, then Cena, then Sheamus, then Bryan, then Christian. Orton poses as the five other bodies lie in agony, then points at the WM XXX sign. Orton waits for Bryan to get up and goes for the PUNT but Bryan dodges. Cena, Bryan, Sheamus, and Christian corner Orton. Orton bails back into the pod and tries to lock himself back in. Sheamus stares at the caged animal. A “PUSSY!” chant breaks out. Sheamus goes to walk away, gets angry then BROGUE KICKS THROUGH THE POD, DRAGGING ORTON OUT HOLY SHIT. Sheamus drives Orton repeatedly into the Chamber and clotheslines him back in. Cesaro throws Sheamus into the steel.

Cena hits Orton with a back suplex and connects with the Five-Knuckle Shuffle. Cesaro comes up from behind and throws him out. Cesaro sweeps the legs of Orton and thus commences the CESARO SWING. 30 rotations for Wrestlemania XXX. Bryan rolls up a dizzy Cesaro, rolls through, and hits a release German suplex. Sheamus clotheslines Bryan, then powerslams Christian. Sheamus catches Cena with the BROGUE KICK and Christian rolls Sheamus up for the 1…2…kickout. Christian then covers Cena for the 1…2…kickout. Christian begs off of Sheamus and bails to the steel. Sheamus meets him and goes for a power bomb but Christian grabs onto the cage and climbs to the pod. Sheamus climbs to the top and clubs him. Orton meets him at the top then climbs to the second rope, connecting with a superplex. Orton immediately bails to the steel and Christian hits Sheamus with a FROG SPLASH from the top of the pod. Christian covers for the 1…2…3! Sheamus has been eliminated.

Orton grabs Christian and goes for the hanging DDT but Christian backdrops him to the steel. Bryan runs in and catches Christian with the BUSIAKU KNEE for the 1…2…3! Christian has been eliminated. 

The four remaining men stare one another down in their respective corners. Cena goes after Cesaro, Bryan after Orton. Cena dropkicks Cesaro out to the steel, Bryan sends Orton out to his side of the steel. Cena bounces Cesaro off the cage, Bryan bounces Orton off the pod. Cena and Bryan stare one another down in the center of the ring. They trade rights and kicks. Bryan goes for the Yes! Lock but Cena powers through. Bryan kicks him off and Cena gets him in the AA position. Cesaro comes up from behind and hits Cena with a German suplex, Bryan still on his shoulders. Cesaro covers Cena for the 1…2…kickout. Cesaro hits Orton with a big boot, counters the STF, and goes for the gutwench. Cena counters with a hurricanrana and hits the ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT to the steel. Cena pulls Cesaro back in and makes him tap to the STF. Cesaro has been eliminated, booooo.

Orton goes for the RKO on Cena, but Cena counters with the STF. The lights go out and when they come back on Bray Wyatt, Luke Harper & Erick Rowan are in the Chamber. They triple-team Cena and Wyatt finishes him off with SISTER ABIGAIL. A “THANK YOU WYATT!” chant breaks out. HA! Orton crawls over to Cena and covers him for the 1…2…3! John Cena has been eliminated.

Kane walks over and tells The Wyatt Family to leave to the back. Kane then gets in the ring to check on the fallen Cena. Bryan climbs to the top and hits Kane with a flying knee (welp that just gave away the ending). Orton grabs Bryan and throws him through the pod. Orton picks him up and goes for a superkick but Bryan slides under and puts him in a tree of woe. Bryan makes with the YES! KICKS and the running dropkick followed by another and then another. Bryan climbs to the top and hits Orton with a top-rope side suplex and covers for the 1…2…kickout. Bryan climbs back to the top but Orton crotches him. Orton grabs him by the beard and hits the hanging DDT.

Orton coils up and goes for the RKO but Bryan shoves him off and hits the BUSAIKU KNEE for the 1…2…Kane pulls the ref away. Bryan kicks Kane, then Orton hits Bryan with the RKO for the 1…2…KICKOUT. Oh fuck fuck fuck. My heart. Fuck fuck. Orton goes over and Bryan catches him with an inside cradle for the 1…2…kickout. Bryan catches Orton with a kick. Bryan picks himself up and Kane catches him with a right hand. Bryan turns around and eats an RKO for the 1…2…3!

Winner and STILL World Heavyweight Champion [via Pinfall]: Randy Orton (37:33)

• Jon’s Thoughts: This is the first Elimination Chamber match I’ve ever watched in full and I’ve gotta say this is one hell of an awesome gimmick WWE has going for themselves (except for the fact they don’t do blood anymore). Everyone looked great, from Cena down to Christian, and Sheamus had the spot of the match Brogue Kicking the shit out of the pod.  The Wyatts interfering and getting rid of Cena reignites that feud so I guess Cena/Wyatt is a done deal for April, and I’m totally okay with it. When it got down to Bryan/Orton I admittedly got super invested and when Bryan kicked out of the first RKO I got hopeful. But that was my mistake because obviously that shit wasn’t going to happen. They didn’t pull the trigger at a big PPV, why would they do it at this one? As a fan this leaves me once again tremendously disappointed and by the looks of the fans after the match I’m not alone. There’s still time to interject Bryan into the main event of WM XXX, and if WWE is smart about it they will do so or risk having the crowd turn on them during the main event of their biggest show of the year.
  

Post-Match: Orton poses with the belts as the crowd looks on with dead eyes. I don’t think WWE understands that’s not the right reaction. Thus concludes the PPV.

• Jon’s Thoughts: I’m right there with you, disappointed fans.
  

*****

Overall Show Thoughts

Elimination Chamber is a three match show but each one delivered so well on both a wrestling and emotional level that they outweigh the negatives by a mile. Langston/Swagger was a great hoss fight and start to the event, The Shield/Wyatt Family match delivered and stole the entire damn show, and the Elimination Chamber had no dull moments and made all six participants look tremendous (Cesaro and Bryan especially). Unfortunately it ended with the “same old shit” of Orton winning and the threat of an Orton/Batista Wrestlemania main event but there’s still time for WWE to realize how fucking horrible that is and change it up. I really hope they do. All in all a great show that didn’t accomplish much and left fans with the threat of a match no one wants to see.

• Best Match: The Shield Vs. The Wyatt Family
  
• Worst Match: Batista Vs. Alberto Del Rio
• Best Moment: Sheamus kicks through the Elimination Chamber pod.
• Worst Moment: Daniel Bryan once again getting the rug pulled out from under him. “Wait and see” my asshole guys, I’m tired of it.

—–

Enjoy the site? Follow PW Update on Twitter or “like” us on Facebook to stay up to date with everything we do on the site. If you’re feeling really frisky you can also help us keep PW Update going via PayPal Donations. For human interaction Jon is usually around on Twitter striking up conversation and talking out of his ass.