Jon’s ‘WWE Main Event’ 3/18/14 Recap + Review – The Undertaker Speaks, Brotherhood Vs. The Real Americans, Titus O’Neil in Action
Commentators: Tom Phillips & Byron Saxton
The Undertaker made his Main Event debut this week, taking on…Paul Heyman in an in-ring segment. Also on the show Those Damn Rhodes Boys took on The Real Americans, Titus O’Neil engaged in some fisticuffs, and probably other things too. Let’s find out together!
Match Results
- Cody Rhodes & Goldust defeated The Real Americans [w/ Zeb Colter] when Rhodes pinned Jack Swagger with CROSS RHODES (12:23 shown) [***].
- The Funkadactyls defeated Layla & Alicia Fox when Naomi pinned Fox with a Split-Legged Moonsault (5:01) [**1/2].
- The Big Show defeated Titus O’Neil via pinfall with the KNOCKOUT PUNCH (4:27) [*1/2].
*****
-WWE Signature/Main Event Intro-
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The team of Cody Rhodes & Goldust make their way out for the opening contest as Tom Phillips welcomes the home audience. Clips from last Friday’s Smackdown Rhodes/Real Americans finish and post-match shenanigans play. Speak of the devils out come The Real Americans to oppose the Rhodes Boys, joined as usual by Zeb Colter. Phillips wonders if The Real Americans are the #1 contenders to the Tag Team Titles after beating The Usos on Monday. I’d say/hope so.
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Match #1: Cody Rhodes & Goldust Vs. The Real Americans (Jack Swagger & Cesaro) [w/ Zeb Colter]
Swagger with a side headlock to start. He follows up with a shoulderblock that immediately sends Goldust out to the floor. It’s announced that a Fatal Four Way will occur on Smackdown to decide the #1 contenders to the Tag Team Championship. Goldust slides back in and slaps on a side headlock. He floors Swagger with a shoulderblock and follows up with a hip toss, inverted atomic drop, uppercut, and an armdrag takedown. Rhodes tags in and drops a top-rope elbow over Swagger’s exposed left arm. Rhodes slaps on a hammerlock but Swagger escapes and sends Rhodes into the corner. Cesaro tags in and connects with a European uppercut. Cesaro with a series of knee strikes to the head. He tosses Rhodes out, but Rhodes skins the cat back in and hits a clothesline, covering for a 1-count. Rhodes applies a front chancery but gets sent out to the floor. Swagger trips Rhodes up on the apron when he tries to reenter as the ref is distracted.
Cesaro climbs to the outside and rams Rhodes face-first into the apron. Back in the ring Cesaro covers for 2, then tries again this time only getting 1. Cesaro applies a chinlock, and hits a backbreaker after sending him into the ropes. Cesaro covers for 2 then tags Swagger back in. The Real Americans connect with a double back elbow and Swagger covers for 2. Swagger applies a standing front chancery. Rhodes flips out of a back suplex attempt and takes Swagger’s head off with a DISASTER KICK. Cesaro tags in but so does Goldust. Goldust with back to back clotheslines followed by the drop down right and inverted atomic drop. Goldust with a running boot to the temple followed by a series of rights in the corner mount. Swagger runs over and Goldust catches him with a forearm. Goldust turns back to Cesaro and hits a sunset bomb for the 1…2…kickout. Swagger runs in and Goldust clotheslines him to the floor. Goldust then backdrops Cesaro out to the floor. Rhodes and Goldust take flight and take out both Real Americans. Cesaro rolls back in and Goldust follows, covering for the 1…2…kickout. Goldust whips Cesaro off but jumps right into a backbreaker. Cesaro covers for the 1…2…kickout. The Real Americans are in control as we go to commercial break.
-Commercial Break-
Goldust breaks out of an armbar, but Swagger clotheslines him and sends him to the floor. Cesaro tags in, measures Goldust, and hits a massive running clothesline. He screams in triumph and rolls Goldust back in, covering for the 1…Goldust is under the rope. Cesaro pulls him into the center and covers again for the 1…2…kickout. Cesaro with a front chancery. Cesaro sends Goldust into the corner but eats a boot during a splash attempt. Goldust follows up with a second-rope Goldiecanranna, but Swagger tags in and attacks him before he can make a tag. Swagger rolls Goldust towards the corner then hits the Swagger Bomb as Cesaro tags in. Cesaro leap frogs over Swagger and connects with a double stomp for the 1…2…kickout.
Cesaro connects with a deadlift gutwrench suplex and covers again for the 1…2…kickout. Swagger tags back in and applies yet another front chancery. Swagger switches to a standing bear hug but Goldust fights out and catches Swagger with a loud right. Swagger sends Goldust into the corner, but Goldust fights back with a flying back elbow from the middle turnbuckle. Both men are down. Cesaro tags in and kicks Rhodes off the apron, but walks into a back bodydrop from Goldust. Cesaro hits Goldust from behind with a European uppercut and follows up with a CESARO SWING for around 9 revolutions. Swagger tags in and Cesaro catapults Goldust into his arms, hitting a spinebuster for the 1…2…Rhodes breaks it up.
Goldust fights his way out of the Real Americans corner, backdropping Swagger out to the floor and knocking Cesaro off the apron. Rhodes finally gets the tag and levels Swagger with back to back clotheslines followed by the corner sunset flip for the 1…2…kickout. Rhodes hits Swagger then hip tosses Cesaro into the ring. Rhodes catches both with a springboard double dropkick. Rhodes with the hanging midsection kick, but Cesaro prevents a Cross Rhodes attempt. Goldust catches Cesaro with a powerslam and Rhodes hits Swagger with a top-rope moonsault for the 1…2…kickout! Swagger counters a Disaster Kick with the PATRIOT LOCK. Swagger wrenches back as Rhodes struggles. He crawls towards the bottom rope but Cesaro holds it back. Goldust attacks Cesaro on the outside as Rhodes breaks out. Rhodes catches Swagger with CROSS RHODES for the 1…2…3!
Winners [via Pinfall]: Cody Rhodes & Goldust (12:23 shown)
- Jon’s Thoughts: Always love me a Brotherhood/Real Americans match and this was no different. A fun match with some good action, and it’s nice to see The Real Americans back on the same page. I guess WWE got cold feet about breaking them up in the same way they decided not to go with a Shield breakup (yet, anyway). I’m fine with that, The Real Americans are the best team in the WWE. (***)
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We cut to the announce table where Byron Saxton gets super excited about the new WWE Slam City cartoon/action figure line. He right to do so because the first four episodes were pretty funny. They then segue into a full-on Slam City commercial.
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MAIN EVENT HYPE: The Undertaker is gonna say some words!
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-Commercial Break-
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SMACKDOWN HYPE: John Cena takes on The Wyatt Family’s Luke Harper.
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The Funkadactyls make their way out for the next match, Naomi sporting an eye patch that would make Slick Rick blush. Their opponents, Alicia Fox and the returning Layla, make their way out second.
- Jon’s Thoughts: Welcome back Layla, I missed you and your “WWE wanted me to look less ethnic” self!
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Match #2: The Funkadactyls (Cameron & Naomi) Vs. Layla & Alicia Fox
Naomi and Fox lock up. Naomi grabs a waistlock but Fox breaks out with elbows right to the bad eye. Naomi floats over a corner splash and rolls Fox up for a 2-count. Cameron tags in and The Funkadactyls connect with a double suplex followed by the double split-legdrop. Cameron grabs a wristlock and wrings the arm but Fox breaks out with rights. Cameron connects with a wheelbarrow arm drag while also doing the splits. Layla gets the tag back in and Cameron sasses at her so Layla dances. Okay. Layla ducks a clothesline and hits an armdrag into a pinfall for a 2-count. Layla plays to the crowd and Cameron dropkicks her in the back of the head before spanking her. Cameron follows up with a clothesline and covers for 2. Layla catches Cameron with a savate kick and covers for 1.
Layla applies a chinlock to further wear Cameron down. Cameron tries to break out so Layla just throws her to the mat. Fox tags in and connects with a kick as Layla holds the arms back. Fox with a wristlock into a series of elbowdrops and a beautiful Northern Lights Suplex for the 1…2…kickout. Fox immediately slaps on a rear-chinlock. Fox connects with a knee and tags Layla back in. Layla chokes Cameron in the corner, then brings her to the mat with a snapmare. She misses the follow-up legdrop.
Fox tags in but so does Naomi. Naomi catches Fox with a dropkick followed by a flipping clothesline, then sends her into Layla. Naomi with a standing hurricanrana, covering for the 1…2…Layla breaks it up. Cameron tries to launch off Fox, but slips and tackles Layla anyway, sending them both to the floor. Naomi hits Fox with the REAR VIEW then circles around the ring before finishing her off with a split-legged moonsault (NICE!) for the 1…2…3!
Winners [via Pinfall]: The Funkadactyls (5:01)
- Jon’s Thoughts: A solid tag team match. Layla didn’t seem to have any ring rust, and The Funkadactyls have exciting enough offense to cover for some of the sloppier moments. Naomi busting out the split-legged moonsault was nice (I didn’t watch RAW so this was my first chance to see it) and a much better finisher than the asshole to the eye. (**1/2)
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-Commercial Break-
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RAW HYPE: Arnold Schwarzenegger and some other dude from the upcoming Sabotage movie are hosting this Monday. Arnie does the “YES!” chant and now I can’t wipe the smile off of my face.
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RAW REBOUND: Triple H gets fake cops to cuff Daniel Bryan then beats the sh*t out of him while Stephanie McMahon watches with glee.
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WRESTLEMANIA XXX HYPE: Triple H Vs. Daniel Bryan; winner gets inserted into Batista/Orton for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship.
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The Big Show makes his way out for the third match of the evening. He’s in action………….NEXT!
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-Commercial Break-
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WRESTLEMANIA XXX HYPE: 30 Man Andre The Giant Battle Royal.
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Show is in the ring awaiting his opponent…who turns out to be Titus O’Neil and his intense as f*ck entrance music. Both men will be in said battle royal. Phillips lists the other participants but I wasn’t paying attention.
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Match #3: The Big Show Vs. Titus O’Neil
O’Neil shoves Show and does his seal taunt, so Show dumps him out to the floor. Show chops O’Neil against the barricade then rolls him back in. Show punches O’Neil into the corner and connects with another chop. O’Neil bails to the adjacent corner, so Show peppers him with kicks. Show backs O’Neil against the ropes and connects with another chop, which O’Neil sells beautifully with his facial reaction. O’Neil ducks a clothesline and clips the left knee of Show. O’Neil repeatedly stomps at Show, does the seal thing again, then hits a running legdrop for the 1…2…kickout. O’Neil slaps on a rear chinlock.
O’Neil transitions into a side headlock and Show breaks with a back suplex. O’Neil is first up and bails to the corner. He gets a boot up when Show charges but runs right into a goozle. O’Neil kicks it off and hits the CLASH OF THE TITUS for the 1…2…kickout! O’Neil can’t believe it but everyone else can because that finisher is terrible. O’Neil jokingly chants Show’s name then calls him a baby and clubs him. O’Neil connects with a running elbowdrop and covers for the 1…2…kickout. O’Neil waits as Show gets up in the corner then charges in with a Stinger Splash. O’Neil jaws at the crowd then charges again but Show goozles him. O’Neil asks what he’s gonna do, and Show shoves him off before hitting a KNOCKOUT PUNCH for the 1…2…3!
Winner [via Pinfall]: The Big Show (4:27)
- Jon’s Thoughts: Not a great match but holy hell was O’Neil hilarious. He’s a great cocky heel, almost too entertaining for the role. That aside though, woof. (*1/2)
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-Commercial Break-
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WRESTLEMANIA XXX HYPE VIDEO: Undertaker Vs. Brock Lesnar
- Jon’s Thoughts: An excellent video that introduced the idea that Undertaker’s once-invincible aura has been slowly eroding over the years due to age and punishment. I dig that, it’s a cool story. The video lost me a little when the narrator talked about how Lesnar has beaten up all of those who tried to end the Streak and it was just Triple H and Mark Henry over and over again (with a little HBK for flavor) but that’s just a nitpick annoyance.
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The Undertaker Speaks
Paul Heyman grabs a live mic at ringside and introduces himself as he enters the ring. Heyman says he wanted to get in some things before Undertaker shows up and means no disrespect since he’ll get that come WrestleMania XXX. Heyman says he’s been asked by Lesnar to deliver a message, which is a downer part of his job because that means he has to be in the rancid state of Texas (HEY I LIVE THERE, BOOOOO THIS MAN). Heyman says another downside is that he has to deliver it with full knowledge that The Undertaker is here this evening. Heyman continues on, saying it’s common knowledge that the most prestigious commodity in the WWE is the WWE World Heavyweight Championship but at WrestleMania there is a commodity of equal value: THE STREAK. Heyman says there is no analogy that equals the magnitude of 21-0, which is why Lesnar asked him to inform The Undertaker that it is not a prediction, suggestion, or prognostication: at WrestleMania XXX the streak will come to an end because it will be conquered by BRAWWWWK LESNAR.
Heyman goes to leave but is stopped by a GONG and he freaks a bit. The lights go out, the arena turns purple, pillars of fire explode from the entrance stage. We cut back to the ring, where The Undertaker is now standing behind Heyman who is awaiting the usual entrance. The lights turn back on and Heyman realizes what’s up, terrifyingly turning around into a goozle that sends him to his knees. Heyman yells that he’s just an advocate as Undertaker puts the mic to his own face. Undertaker says the one reason Heyman walks out tonight is because he wants to personally deliver a message to Brock Lesnar: he’s going to SLAY THE BEAST. Undertaker says when that’s done he’s going to take Lesnar’s rotting corpse and throw it into the firey pits of eternal hell. He asks Heyman if he understands which Heyman does. Undertaker says there’s one more thing: if there’s something about that message he doesn’t understand he will be in Brooklyn this Monday on RAW and will hand-deliver it personally. Undertaker tells Heyman to leave while he’s still able and shoves him to the floor. Heyman stalks towards the back and freaks out when the pillars of fire explode on the stage. Undertaker stares at him and does the throat-cut as we fade out.
- Jon’s Thoughts: WWE Network’s HD is amazing; the body hair of The Undertaker was so defined that I was in awe. Not as in awe I was of his Christian Bale Batman voice, but close enough. Jokes aside this was more stellar work from Heyman and more “barely doing anything” work from The Undertaker. WWE always promotes Undertaker segments and they always end up with him barely saying or doing a damn thing. He might have talked more during this segment than the whole CM Punk feud from last year combined. I will say this though: I’m slowly talking myself into this Undertaker/Lesnar match. In two weeks I’ll be all up on its dick.
*****
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